That first smile.

After nine miserable months my little Channy Fanny is here! Though his due date wasn't til the 11th of April, he came on April 4th.

It all started at 6 am on that wonderful day. I had chosen to be induced, I was miserable and ready to hold my little man. After finally being hooked up to the monitors and getting an IV at 8 o'clock the Dr. came to break my water. After several hours of potocin I finally began to feel contractions. Boy are they nothing to shrug off. I was terrified of an epidural and strongly considered not getting one. And today I'm sorry I didn't pass on it. After almost an hour of the nurse trying to get me to quit shaking and moving so she could get the catheter into my back Dale was able to come back into the room and I was feeling a nice high. Though it quickly wore off and I was administered another dose. After several hours it was finally beginning to look like I was going to have a baby. At about 10ish it was finally time to push. Boy was I a nervous wreck. But the fun didn't end there.

After 45 minutes of pushing, and my epidural wearing off, the Dr decided that my little man wasn't coming out the old fashioned way. His heart rate was too steady and I just simply couldn't push any longer. So two terrified parents were prepped and taken to the operating room. Where my nerves took over my entire body. Luckily the anesthesia numbed me from the neck down, the only shaking body parts I had were my arms and head! But I had a great partner, not only did he go into the operating room with me, he held my hand the entire time. And after about 20 minutes at a wonderful 11:47 pm my little amazing boy was born! Not only did he have strong lungs, he was completely healthy. Except a little jaundice.

After a brief cleaning they brought him to us, Dale got to hold him first, for which I am still totally jealous. But after a wonderful first kiss, and a first kiss as parents from my love, I was given some nerve medication. Due to the fact I still couldn't quit shaking. And then I was out like a light. After however many hours, I can't remember, I was finally taken to my room and brought my little precious boy. The feeling of holding that little baby was an experience I can't even put into words. Not only did I feel love like I'd never felt before, but a warming sensation of complete satisfaction filled my very soul. Not only had we worked so hard for this moment, but we thought it would never come.

After three days in the hospital we were released to come home! Not only did my boobie baby get to come home, we didn't have any problems getting him there. It's been a month since he graced us with his wonderful presence, and every minute of it has been a true wonderful experience. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the entire world. =] 

Well, here's to another male.

Though it's been many months since I've updated this thing, it's never been far from my mind. Like many things my life has taken a turn in a direction I'm not too thrilled with, but the pregnancy is not included on this. While I was a struggling waitress before, I am now a struggling broke pregnant woman. Though I expect things will look up soon. If not someone please shoot me!

As the top of this entry indicates we found out on November 23rd that our little bundle of joy is in fact a boy. Though I had secret hopes of that prima ballerina, a rough little man will do too. He's already filled our hearts with so much joy and love, he doesn't even know how much we love him yet. Chandler, the name we picked out, will be so loved it will be ridiculous. He's our little miracle baby, and will forever remain so.

As our little life and love progress I'm sure I'll keep you updated. I need to blog more.

Answered prayers.

This little baby has answered any kind of prayer I've ever prayed. We found out in august, when this post was originally supposed to occur. And no at the end of October we are reaching our fourth month. I have to say, we're more excited than anything. With a small little one on the way we're more excited than most would be. We've tried for so long, and had a couple failed trys, but now, everything is coming into place. Stay tuned for a sex reveal with in the next few weeks. =]

What better way to spend a sleepless night? I'm sitting across the room from my love and though we both are entranced in our own worlds we're still totally into each other. I once read that marriage is two people living separate lives, but doing it together. And though this is about marriage, it also goes for relationships. We've lived together for almost the entirety of our relationship, and I've never once regretted it. We may argue, and we may not spend every waking moment together, but I am madly in love with him and want to be in love with him for the rest of my life. We've been together for six years now and I wouldn't take back a single minute of it. 

Now I hate to read blogs that say, "oh I love how my life is, and I love everything about this and that, and oh how wonderful so and so is" And every other month it's a different so and so. So I'll spare you that in this particular blog. But you will have to deal with mushy gushy posts from time to time. Much like this one. 

I sat down with intentions on writing about what a wonderful Lughnasadh I had. I gathered with my small group and we performed a small ritual. It consisted of a few good luck spells and a couple of healing spells. Also a fertility request was asked upon The God and Goddess. Though we're doing all we can, I feel like I need a little help. Spiritual helping is something I have a hard time with. And I'm hoping that God will find it in his heart and help the Goddess in helping me. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. Say your prayers for me!!

Have you ever felt like it's taken a million years for your life to begin? Like you've been waiting and waiting and waiting for something amazing to happen? I'm afraid we've all been there. And as much as I hate to admit it, I've only recently discovered that I am living my life precisely how I want it lived.

More than anything on this planet I want to have that wonderful moment when I enter a child onto this planet and know that they are mine. And to know that Dale and I will take a part in raising this child to the best of our abilities and what others may see as unconventional. After experiencing two miscarriages and many false hope pregnancies, I often feel discouraged to try again and just keep waiting. But all the while wanting desperately to achieve my ultimate goal in life. I believe that God will grant me my wish in his own time, and waiting is becoming harder and harder. But I believe that something great is in store for me. The Goddess Dionysus will watch over me and aide God in granting my wish.

We're doing all that we can in order to successfully get pregnant.
And I'm looking into some herbs that aide in fertility. I'm hoping to find some home remedies that will help. Wish us luck!!!!

death..

While speaking with some co-workers today the realization of my mortality suddenly hit me in the face. A current death in the family of my boss got me thinking about how quickly time flies. Just how prepared am I if I were to die? Then I think about how I am 23 years old! And should I really be concerned?!

Feeling a bit morbid I was forced to think about how my family would take care of those things if I was die tomorrow. While hating this thought, I couldn't help but think about how unprepared and financially unprepared my family and myself were for an event such as this. So I can say that soon a fund will be started for something such as this. Because as much as I would love to pretend, I am not immortal.

ughh, I can't believe it.

Have you ever seen that movie "Dahmer"?
It stars Jeremy Renner as Dahmer himself. And Bruce Davison as his father. I love Non-Fictional movies as much as the next guy, but this movie was horrible! I mean, I've seen movies that I thought were bad, and movies that may have started well but soon got worse. But this movie was the worst movie I have ever soon. And until yesterday I thought that I could never hate a movie as much as I hated "Land of the Dead." David Jacobson lacks any vision when directing this film. Not only does the movie not have a plot, it lacks dialogue amongst the characters. This movie starts and seems to go on for an eternity. Not only is there no climax, there's no ending! I sat for an hour and forty minutes waiting for something to tie this film together. To explain to me a story, or at least get his story. All I watched was sex and murder. No story, no ending. Just sex and violence. I would love to meet the writer of this film. So I could ask him what the hell he was thinking. I can't get over the non existence of a plot or even a reason for a film. I wouldn't waste my time on any other movie this guy has directed. I can't imagine releasing this to the public. Not only was I disappointed with the lack of knowledge learned from this film, I'm disappointed that a interesting story wasn't revealed and Dahmer himself wasn't given proper justice by Jeremy Renner. His acting was mediocre and lacking interest.