Feeling a little less lonely.

I want to talk about a moment I had Sunday at church.  I've been going to my church for almost three years, and I love it. But I also still feel a little separated from others. I'm a little shy and tend to not introduce myself to others . This often leaves me jetting out of church, or any function pretty quickly. Even more quickly if my little tornado is in tow. He tends to makes me anxious, which isn't his fault. As a parent we are often judged by how our children act.

We're judged by how quiet or loud they are, how well they talk, or don't talk. Or how loud they are while playing. Marshall crosses all these boundaries in many ways. And for that reason I often feel stared at, and judged. So I usually try to make my presence pretty quick.

Well this past Sunday at the end of the service the little ones came down to sing a little song. Marshall was having no part of any song, and only had eyes for the playground outside. So of course emotions were all over the place, and once he has his little head set to something it is pretty impossible to change.

So I grabbed him and secretly hoped that it wouldn't be too long and we could quickly make our exit. While I was sitting there and struggling to keep him in my lap, starting to sweat just a little, this lady sat beside me. And as soon as she sat Marshall went right to her. She showed no signs of judgement, no signs of disdain for my loud "misbehaving" baby. She only displayed love and kindness. Not only to me, but to my baby. To my baby, that so many look at and wonder why he consistently growls, or why such small reprimands send him into an emotional melt down, or who won't eat hardly anything. She showed such compassion to me in a time and a place I feel so lonely.

As a Mom most of my time is spent with children, or at work, I get very little personal time or even time with the Hubs. So often I feel lonely, I feel as though no one ( even though I'm sure there are plenty) understands what we deal with or have to handle with Marsh.

It's so often that we get so consumed with our own lives that we fail to notice others struggles. But this fellow momma got it. She saw another struggle and stepped up to help, and did so willingly and lovingly.

It's important that we remember to look beyond our own worlds and understand the struggles that others go thru. So to this Momma I say, Thank you. Thank you for noticing us, and Thank you for love and kindness. Hopefully we can all learn from you and spread that compassion.

Loving while defeated.

It's been a while since I've sat down in front of the computer with intentions to write. It's something I've always loved to do. Something that I've always felt that I've been decent at. Putting words together isn't as easy as it seems. And for the past 5 years I've been pretty busy and neglected something I am good at.

I've also struggled for things to write about. Something interesting that everyone can relate to. Then it clicked, my life. What could I know more about? Nothing better than my own experiences. Every day is a challenge. Since I first started this blog another child has entered the picture. A small little creature, who quickly turned into a huge four year old.

Unlike his brother he doesn't speak much, and doesn't really interact with others much. You have to get to know him to get a reaction. This kid is wicked smart and can read, yes you read that right. He can read. But he can't communicate. This puzzled the Hubs and I for months, and after much deliberation and research and talks with other mothers I decided to have a talk with his pediatrician.

His behavior had gotten crazy, he was 4! But still acting like a stubborn terrible 2. I worried and stressed and prayed. I prayed for my baby. I prayed that he would be ok and that God would touch his poor troubled soul to calm down, before Momma had a break down.

When we got to the doctors office I could tell right away what my pediatrician was thinking. Her questions were leading to where I knew they were going to go, Autism. I knew my baby was special. I knew he was destined for greatness. But now it was going to be harder. The world is cruel, and relentless. And as a parent it's the last thing you want for your child.

After his diagnosis when we left I strapped my special boy in his seat and got in the car and just cried. I asked God why, why did my boy have to have it so hard. Why did he have to go thru this. I poured my heart out and cried all the tears I could cry.

I then sat back and thought about it. I thought about how God didn't do this, no one did it. My boy is just extra special. He just requires more patience. Which I think is a true test from God, because he gave me very little. My boy just requires extra special care.

The point is that it's ok to be angry. It's ok to cry, and more importantly it's ok to feel defeated. You just have to remember in those moments of defeat you are not alone. I'm not alone because I have an amazing support system, I have people who care about my sweet boy.

And you do too. Just know it's ok to be defeated, just at the end of the day pick up and go on. Because you are strong and you got this!